I don't think I'm asking too much (11-21-09)

I told myself I would blog every Thursday night, but I wouldn’t last night because I was too busy sulking about a fight I had with Cory. I know I’m blessed to have such a focused, truly loving, God-fearing man. Unfortunately this knowledge does not help me when he’s grumpy.
Some days I feel like I’m the most High-maintenance girl the feminist movement ever birthed, and other days I don’t feel like I’m asking too much. Here are my demands:

1: Look happy to see me.
2: Say (out loud…with words) that you’re glad to see me.
3: ACT as though you FEEL as though, I am the most interesting thing that has happened to you today.
4: Always make me believe that I’m more attractive that your various computerized devices. (iphones, ipods, macbooks, electric toothbrushes; etc.)
5: Save up some of your “happy-face-interested-voice” energy for ME.
These five points are, of course, in addition to his “Regular Duties” which are as follows;
1. Holding down a job that keeps me in the style to which I have become accustomed,
2. Paying the bills,
3. 3. Maintaining insurance good enough to care for a certifiably crazy wife and a daughter who is prone to catching diseases from swine,
4. Doing the dishes,
5. Leading us in prayer every night,
6. Pursuing his own health through working out 3 days a week, and seeing his own counselor,
7. Making sure that every program he plans for the youth is as amazing as he can possibly make it.
8. Maintaining extremely high standards for his ministry (see #7)
9. Caring for Lorelai whenever mommy decides she is no longer capable.
10. Caring for Lorelai whenever we decide mommy will be somewhere else.
11. Packing lunch for afore-mentioned child.
12. Driving child to school.
13. Disciplining child when child’s mother decides she is weary of doing so.
14. Planning and executing a date every single Sunday night for foxy wife and husband (this may involve the purchasing of various and sundry gifts, flowers, dark chocolates, etc., all for the purpose of delighting afore-said foxy wife……)

There may be a few more items for the “Regular Duties” list, but I’m tired of typing.
Hmmmmnnnn.

My friend Michelle came over last night and mercifully interrupted Cory and I in the heat of argument. She listened to me whine while Cory hung out in the living room. Michelle’s basic response can be summed up in the following sentence: “Are you affirming Cory on what he’s doing well?”

My head spins, ‘Of course I affirm Cory, I affirm him all the time….especially right before I point out to him exactly what I think he’s doing wrong.’

Oh.

Hmmmnnn.

Sweet Jesus, what would it take for You to make me the kind of person who thanks people for what they are doing, instead of riding them for what I think is inadequate? Could it be possible that a dreamer/perfectionist/ ego-toting/ judgmental person like me could be transformed into the image of the One who gave himself until there was no breath left? Will I EVER learn how to turn the other cheek and give my hoodie to the guy who stole my coat? Could I possibly ever look at marriage as a chance to become holy, instead of my only opportunity for happiness??? Will there come a day when

I think of Cory’s needs as being as important as my own….

Mercy.

Praise God He is able to do even more than we could ever ask or imagine or think. I want to be thankful this week, not grasping at more. I want to be deeply grateful, not demanding to those I love.

So… help me God.